Is Fibromyalgia my enemy?

I’ve spent many years trying to have a better attitude, think positively, and maintain good feelings about others. Often when I write about fibromyalgia, I refer to “the war,” “the fight” or the strategies of “the enemy.” But my inner voice wants to know, “Is fibromyalgia really my enemy? Wouldn’t it be better to put a different spin on it?”

In my early years with fibromyalgia, I experienced a lot of anger toward my situation and the voice inside my head would sometimes chastise me for feeling that way.

You have heard it said that you should, “love your enemies.” But fibromyalgia is not a living being. You and I are under no moral obligation to love this particular enemy.

Yes, fibromyalgia is my enemy, but it isn’t intelligent. It follows prescribed methods just like gravity. If I drop a ball, gravity pulls it to the ground. If I try to sleep sitting up in a chair, fibromyalgia pulls my muscles into pain.

I could be angry with gravity for making me hit the ground if I trip and lose my balance, but there is no motive or malice on the part of gravity. Fibromyalgia is like that too. Whatever I might feel, my enemy has no emotions or intentions whatsoever.

Because my enemy is not a living being, I can badmouth it all I want. I can hate it or be angry with it if I choose, without committing any moral misstep. But if I choose to feel all these negative emotions, the feelings can actually do me damage. Stress and intensely negative feelings will actually increase my physical pain. So even though I’ve chosen to call fibromyalgia my enemy, I am careful about indulging in bad feelings about it.

I’m engaged in a war. I didn’t start it, and there is no end in sight. Because my enemy has no spirit, there can be no turning things around and making friends. My enemy will remain my enemy always unless someday it withdraws (and then it will simply be my former enemy).

Wars are easier when you understand your enemy and can predict their next move. Here are some of the characteristics of my war–

• My enemy’s weapon is pain.
• The weapon becomes more powerful when I direct anger and frustration at my foe.
• The weapon becomes weaker when I take meticulous care of my health and well-being
• The war will continue tomorrow. The enemy is always on the outskirts of my life. Whatever methods I use for today’s battle, the war will continue tomorrow. All of my weapons are temporary. The stretching I do today, helps today. The pills I take today, help me today. The chemicals I avoid & the nutritious things I eat only last until the next chemical exposure or the next meal.
• My enemy’s weapon is temporary too. The pain level changes. If I eat better tomorrow, stretch, avoid chemicals, and relax, chances are good I will feel better.
• Without a miracle, neither of us will ever “win the war.” In other words, fibromyalgia won’t kill me, but I won’t ever get rid of it either.

My own choice of weapons gets better when I keep these things in mind

• The enemy can’t think or plan. The path my enemy follows is like the behavior of gravity. If I can figure out the behavior, I can win many battles.
• Some strategies have undesirable ramifications. Since all “wins” are temporary, they aren’t worth great sacrifices. For me, this means that when I consider taking any new drug, I need to consider whether I’m willing to take it for the rest of my life. If it will only help while I take it and I’m not going to take it forever, should I take it at all? I need to ask what the side-effects are, and carefully consider the consequences.

Perhaps you have a different perspective on fibromyalgia. If so, I’d love to hear it. I know that I can learn a great deal from both my friends and my enemy. I am becoming stronger and better because I’ve fought this war. If you find yourself engaged in this same kind of struggle, I hope that you can gain something positive from it.